I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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