then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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