he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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