Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
