woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
