Jerry, you need to find god
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
