cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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