remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
