The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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