omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
