I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
