I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I want her autograph on my taint
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
