Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
