so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
