thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize