im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
