I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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