A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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