that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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