I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
