Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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