Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
false alarm, still single
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