i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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