She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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