Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
