You really coming over, don't trick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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