I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
