I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
