He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
