Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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