paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize