You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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