my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
