it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
