at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
