around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
