So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why did my mother make you get naked?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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