Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
