yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
