why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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