Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
