Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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