:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
