i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
its not stalking. its research.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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