the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
