apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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