textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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