i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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