There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think my mom watched the whole time
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
