FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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