everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize