i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
