Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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