Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
