Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
