This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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