worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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