I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
