Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize