Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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