you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
