Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
