A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
