im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
