So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
