it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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