It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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