I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
