the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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