You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
