We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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