at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
