The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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