dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
