dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize