I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
