From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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