You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
