is your mom at the bar?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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