my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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