They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
