i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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