Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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