if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
